just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize