When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
