that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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