It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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