i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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