I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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