Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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