By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
