Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
