I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
