office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
