You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
