i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
