How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
