So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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