I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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