I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
