Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
