you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
