he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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