can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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