A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
