Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
