She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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