Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
