yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
