my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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