Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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