That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
