I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
