Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
