I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
