We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
