I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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