Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
