I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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