She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
