Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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