none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
