Pappa wants mamma naked
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
