i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We named our party play list daddy issues
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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