...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
