We named our party play list daddy issues
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
BRING THE BAGELS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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