I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
