Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
