the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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