Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
