If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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