i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
