I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
