well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
