is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
