How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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