If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
