Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
