you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
