i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
