If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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