Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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