Betty ford says i'm here all night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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