I cannot find my penis.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
