not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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