this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
ttyl tear gas
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
