I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
