I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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