In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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