I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
