I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize