Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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