Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
