Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
