It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
