I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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