Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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