So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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