i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
