Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
